Samman
by emeralddusk
Summary: Sam McGuire becomes Batman's new sidekick.


Lizzie McGuire

Samman

_It was an ordinary day for the McGuires, and Sam was sitting at the table, drinking coffee. He was just about to leave for his day at work, when he received a call. Little did he know that today would change his life forever. _

As Sam was getting ready to go to sleep, the phone rang. He answered, "Do you realize what time it is! It's almost 10 p.m! Most people have to get to sleep at this time so they can be well rested for their jobs! Don't you appreciate the American labor force! You are a bum! What do you want!"

"Hello, my name is Bruce Wayne, and I need your help." Said the man on the other line.

"For what? Insomnia?" Asked Sam.

"No you fool! Just be in Gotham City by seven p.m tomorrow at my estate, don't be late."

"Okay, I'll see you then. By." Said Sam. The man had already hung up. "Wow, this is great. What will I tell the family?" Pondered Sam.

The next day, Sam was ready to leave for Gotham, when his wife walked into the kitchen. "Sam, where are you going?" She asked.

"Nowhere, be back in a week." Said Sam as he put on his hat and left.

"Bu, ah." Said his wife.

That night in Gotham City, Sam was in Wayne Manor, marveling at its architecture. "Where is that guy! He said seven, and its almost midnight, where..." Started Sam as he fell through a trap door in the floor. "Ah! I'm dead! Wa! What do I do!" As the end of the tunnel he arrived in an unusual cave, filled with unusual gadgets. "Wow, this guy must be an inventor. Too bad he can't invent a watch! To tell him how late he is!" Yelled Sam.

"Hello Sam. By now you have probably realized that I am batman." Said Bruce.

"Who's batman?" Asked Sam.

"I'm a crime fighter, and you will be my new sidekick." Answered Bruce.

"Sidekick? But I don't know anything about fighting crime." Said Sam.

"Neither do I or my other two sidekicks, but I figure four people with little knowledge, can equal one man, with some knowledge." Responded Bruce.

"That makes sense, so where are these other two losers?" Asked Sam.

"Tea sir?" Asked Alfred as he walked in.

"This guy is your sidekick? He's an even bigger loser than me." Retorted Sam.

"He's not my sidekick dumb ass he's my butler."

"Yes, would you like some tea?" Asked Alfred.

"No, so where are these other guys?" Asked Sam.

"We'll meet them tomorrow."

"Aah!" Yelled Sam.

"Sure about the tea?" Asked Alfred.

"Get out of here!" Yelled Sam.

"I'm sorry." Said Alfred as he left.

"Now, you can sleep in the bathroom, I just had Alfred clean some towels, enjoy your night." Said Bruce.

"Oh I won't." Said Sam.

"Lousy bum!" Said Alfred as he covered all the towels in bleach.

The next day, Bruce and Sam were walking in time square. "So Bruce, I was thinking of some names for myself, tell me which one you like. Nightwing."

"I hate it." Said Bruce.

"Okay, that's all I had." Said Sam.

"It'll have to do, here are my sidekicks." Said Bruce signaling to two tough gang guys.

"Wow, they look tough, I bet they..."

"Not them!" Said Bruce as he punched them on to the ground, revealing Dick and Barbara. "These are them."

"These are your sidekicks? They're children!"

"Now you see why I need another sidekick, fighting crime is a tricky business. And these losers just won't cut it." Said Bruce.

"Ha!" Said the two.

"Shut up! And say hello to your new associate, Nightwing."

"I hate you." Said Dick.

"I hate you more." Said Sam.

"I hate Sam, twice as much as either of you hate each other." Said Barbara.

"I hate you all three times more than all of your hate combined, now let's get to the bat cave." Said Bruce.

"Fine." Said the three.

At the cave, everybody was in their costumes, sitting at a table and drinking beer. "Okay, so I was going over some charts, and there were a lot of crimes, commited within twenty feet, of this cave." Said Bruce.

"Maybe it's that stupid butler. Ya know, I had to sleep on bleached towels last night, I trashed the bathroom so he'd have more to clean." Said Sam.

"No, when he applied, he had to sign a waver saying he would never commit a crime!" Said Bruce.

"Well, how long has this crime ring been going on?" Asked Dick.

"Thirty years." Answered Bruce.

"Well there's not going to be a thirty, whatever comes after thirty, time, because we are going to catch those criminals." Said Barbara.

"How!" Yelled Dick. "We haven't caught a villain since that rock villain who couldn't even move!"

"That was a rock that somebody threw through Bruce's window." Said Barbara.

"And now that it's in prison, it will never thrust itself through another innocent window again." Said Bruce.

"Enough crazy talk!" Yelled Sam. "Let's get out there! And get some villains!"

"Ya!" Yelled the three.

"Ya!" Yelled Sam.

Later, the three were in the batmobile. "Wow, I can't believe we caught fifteen villains!" Yelled Dick.

"We didn't! We've been sitting in this car for six hours!" Yelled Barbara.

"Nice going Sam." Said Dick.

"Ha, in the field, I'm Nightwing." Said Sam.

"Batman, when do we beat some villains?" Asked Dick.

"I don't know Robin! Barbara, check the scanner." Said Bruce.

"I'm Batgirl." Said Barbara.

"Sure you are. Now, do you see any villains?"

"Ha, there's one right there!" Yelled Sam.

"It's Mr. Freeze!" Yelled Barbara.

"How can you tell?" Asked Dick.

"He shows up blue on the radar. Now let's go melt that Popsicle!" Said Bruce.

At the top of a skyscraper, Mr. Freeze was about to blast Gotham City with his freeze ray, when the four showed up. "Freeze Freeze!" Yelled Bruce.

"That was really bat. Phh." Said Barbara laughing.

"Shut up Batgirl!" Yelled Dick.

"Now, get ready to be defeated!" Yelled Sam.

"No way Nightwing!" Yelled the Arnold Schwarzenegger Mr. Freeze. "For I will kick the ice of everyone in the city. Now, here's the cold shoulder!" Yelled Freeze as he shot his ray.

"Ah!" Yelled Barbara as she got hit by the ray and froze.

"Noo!" Yelled Dick as he took her wallet and credit cards from her belt.

"Wa!" Yelled Sam as he kicked Freeze on the ground, breaking the helmet on his suit.

"We did it!" Yelled Dick.

The four then walked over to Freeze, Bruce in front. "Go on, kill me, just like you killed my wife." Said Freeze.

"We didn't kill your wife Freeze." Said Bruce as he showed him a video on his batpod.

On the video, Poinson Ivy spoke. "As I told Lady Freeze when I pulled her plug, take that you bitch!"

"Ah aah!" Yelled Freeze.

"But she's not dead." Said Bruce.

"Hu?" Said Freeze.

"Oh, wait ya she is. Sorry, now let's get you to your torture chamber at Archam Asylum." Said Bruce.

"This was great!" Said Barbara.

"Ya, but there is one more thing we must do." Said Dick.

Later, at the Gotham Police Department, Commissioner Gordon was sitting at his desk when the four walked in. "Hello?" He said.

"We know your secret, Poison Ivy!" Yelled Bruce.

"Hee!" Yelled Gordon as he grew fangs, and lunged over his desk at the four.

"Careful, one bite and you're dead." Said Sam.

"Ah, ya just say that now." Said Barbara as she died of being bitten.

"Rra!" Yelled Dick as he threw a bomb that landed in Gordon's mouth, and blew him up.

"Woo!" Yelled the city of Gothem.

A reporter then came up to interview the four. "Batman, what have you got to say?"

"Well, I think it's time to take Gordon to the Archam, cheese asylum!" Said Bruce.

"Ha ha ha!" Laughed the crowd.

"Sam, how can we ever repay you?" Asked Barbara.

"Ya, you can be Batman from now on." Said Dick.

"Hu?" Asked Bruce.

"Hu." Said Sam.

Back at the house, Sam was just about to leave for work. "See ya honey." Said Sam as he opened the door, and got into his batjet.

"By." Said his wife. There was a knock at the door, and she answered it. It was Poison Ivy, Commissioner Gordon.

"I have returned!" He yelled.

"Hu!" Said Jo.

"We got him!" Yelled Batman with Barbara and Dick, as they threw down bombs and blew up the house.

**THE END**


End file.
